Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize