the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize