I can't breathe out the right side of my face
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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