I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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