It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
