I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
