I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A+ Viking dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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