A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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