I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
