Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
