woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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