you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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