I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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