Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
