haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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