dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
