who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
