no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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