That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
