I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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