i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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