The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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