Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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