so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
