I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
