and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
