Its about making memories worth repressing
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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