I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
