he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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