just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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