So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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