No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
