I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
