So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
