pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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