youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
