you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
