Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
