I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
