No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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