my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
