How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
