i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
