her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
