During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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