My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize