fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Come see our sink grown plant.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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