that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
