Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
