Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
