Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
