I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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