He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize