i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
