I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
operation have a gay friend backfired
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
