That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
