At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize