Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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