bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
