It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
