How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
