im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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