you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
