Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
