Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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