its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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