Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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