operation have a gay friend backfired
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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