in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i think i have two assholes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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